How to Approach End of Life Discussions
Planning for the end of someone’s life is a topic many family members avoid because they think it’s too early, not the right time, or simply unbearable to consider — discussing the end of a loved one’s life is a difficult topic to talk about. Many families do not begin that discussion until a serious diagnosis has already been made. Even then, a person may run into roadblocks when looking for ways to approach the topic of “the end of life”, whether it’s their own or a loved one.
To make this major conversation more manageable for everyone involved, there are several steps and important answers to consider before talking with family.
Two key questions to reflect upon when thinking about end of life discussions for yourself or someone else involves the person’s core, personal values:
- What is your meaning of the phrase, “quality of life”?
- What do you hope to happen regarding the end of your life? What are your wishes?
You could begin to answer those questions by breaking them down into some fundamental components:
- How much do you want to know about your illness or condition and its treatment?
- Would you rather have your care providers do everything in their power to treat you or do you want to have more control over the treatment process?
- At what point, if any, do you want treatment to end? Where do you want to be during and/or after treatment, at home or in a care facility?
- How much do you want your family involved in the process? How much do you value your privacy?
Reaching even some tentative conclusions about these factors can identify which key elements are the most important to yourself or a loved one. From there, you can start to formulate a practical plan based on continuing treatment, seeking palliative care in addition to treatment, or stopping treatment and entering hospice care. Keep in mind, many that have sought end of life care wish they would have contacted Family Hospice earlier in the process.
Another concern many have is finding the appropriate time to bring up the “end of life” discussion. While it may feel awkward or uncomfortable, it’s better to talk about it before it’s too late. Some people find it helpful to wait until a time when family members are gathered together, like the holidays or a family event. Others may tie it into a healthcare appointment in order to talk with a medical professional along with family.
If you’re unsure how to begin the discussion, try sharing a friend’s experience with the death of a loved one or another family member who has experienced loss. Use a recent news story about someone who passed away as a jumping off point about creating an advance directive for doctors. Or, simply approach it out of love and concern for your family member’s future well-being. Speaking from your heart on the matter is often the best, and most logical, choice.
No matter how you start the discussion, remember to be patient and not try to make the conversation reach a specific conclusion. Your talk about end of life plans will likely be the first of several rather than just a one-time discussion. It’s also acceptable to disagree as long as you remain respectful and non-judgmental, keeping in mind that plans can change over time.
Do you have a loved one approaching his or her end of life journey? Hospice care can be beneficial many months prior to the end of life and is not something that should begin only in the very end. If you want to learn more about our services and why Family Hospice is referred so often, you can give us a call at (618) 277-1800 or visit us online at www.familyhospice.org.
